So I just tried sharing a few of my tumblr posts with some of my classmates.

The more I share with them, the more I realize how weird I am.

Me and my concert buddies for the day! ^^ 

Shayne, me and Rudy =D

I look kinda dumb… lol oh well… good memories! This was taken before everything started and it got dark. =]

It might not even be fear. It might just be negligence. Or maybe even forgetfulness.

I think it is important for us to tell the significant people in our lives just how much they mean to us. I was talking to a good friend of mine just now. I really think that if we all took the time to explain just how much people mean to us, we could all live a little happier. 

I think we can all take a little fulfillment out of knowing that we matter to the people around us. Sometimes we just need to feel like we would be missed if we went missing.

I have been unaware of my significance before. I had no idea how much I meant to someone. The day they told me, I have to admit… I felt very honored. 

I just… I don’t know. I think we could all live a little happier knowing that we meant something to someone. That’s all. Just knowing that we aren’t as alone, under-appreciated and insignificant as we think we are sometimes can give us a second wind when we need it most.

Awesome night is awesome.

heh…

Goodnight, tumblr =]

I have massive projects due tomorrow and I procrastinated until the day before to get them done. Why? Because I’m Alex and that’s what I do. lol I want to just blast my music in my head and get shit done! Serious business! 

The last time I blasted my music in this lab, all the classmates all ganged up on me and started making fun of me saying that I’m going to lose my hearing. Total buzz kill. I was in such a good mood that day too. I don’t know why I bothered to listen to them. I should have just cranked up the music even louder and ignored them. That would have made more sense. I lowered the volume or took an ear piece out just to listen to their criticism? That doesn’t make any sense. I’m an idiot sometimes. They bummed me out that day. 

Rudy used to do the same thing… he would tell me how everyone would give him weird looks at work for doing the same thing. He would have been on my side if he were there with me that day. God, I miss him. He would have been like “pft… fuck them, Alex.” And just jammed with me. They don’t get it… geology nerds. lol I don’t fit in with these people. That’s why I was so happy when I became friends with Katherine. I thought she was like me… but she’s been really stressed out lately, so I don’t really have my friend right now. *sigh*

I miss having my friend… I missed my friend even when we were still talking. I really want to see ADTR with him. I keep thinking about it and it only feels right when he is the person standing next to me. I want to ask him to come with me still… but I’m afraid it will be awkward… … … *sigh* If only he knew. I want to tell him everything, but I don’t know if it would do more harm than good. I’m not worth all this bullshit. He knows me so well… he should know that I’m not. He’s better off without me in his life, but I’m so fucking selfish. I want my friend. I refuse to let him go… I ran away… fuck… fuck it… he’s better off not knowing.

Anyway. I shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. I have a lot to get done today. I need to focus. Finals are coming up. Every semester it’s one thing or another that comes up in the end of the semester that distracts me. I can’t let this happen again. My GPA has been falling. I need to get my shit together.

Fuck off, tumblr. I have work to do. >/

FUCUS!

hehe

Me and my friends for Oscar’s sister’s 18th bday in November of 2011. ^^

I love my friends <3

My friend Daiana and I.

I said we should make a face that shows how we feel about my friend, Juan, throwing up in his car. haha

Of knowing your friend is hurting…

and not knowing what to do.

powerless…

useless…

horrible…

=(

I hate it when my friends get hurt. Even moreso… I hate it when my friends get hurt and I don’t know how to help them. -_-

Last night, I found out that a friend of mine got arrested. I was in a group of people when I found out. We all knew him. I was the only one who seemed to care… at all. And I was supposed to be upset with him! It astounded me how something like that could happen to him. He went out with people that night, didn’t he? They were supposed to be his friends? Maybe? Where were they? I know he was on drugs, but how could they let this happen to him? What kind of friend would let their buddy get in serious trouble like that when they weren’t in the right state of mind? It’s like taking care of a drunk person… making sure they don’t hurt themselves or do something horribly stupid. That’s what real friends do. We take care of each other. And nobody at that table last night seemed to be a real friend to him. I didn’t expect it from most of them, but only one other than myself should have cared. He didn’t. He said that he wouldn’t take care of our druggy friend BECAUSE he was on drugs. The complete opposite of what I just said a friend should do. 

*sigh*

I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep wondering if I hadn’t been mad at him during this period of time and he and I would still be hanging out, would this have still happened? I wonder if maybe that night he would have just been watching movies with me at my house instead of going out to that club that night and taking all those drugs… … … and getting into trouble like that.

I don’t know.

I guess I’m being hard on myself. I feel like it’s partially my fault. Like maybe if I was with him that night, I could have stopped him from getting into trouble. I don’t even know if he would have listened to me in that state of mind. I would like to think that he would.

He and I used to talk about stuff. Stuff that mattered. I told him how I hated it when my mom would call me naive. People would call me naive. I was starting to believe it myself. I had heard it so many times over the years. He told me that he didn’t agree with that, though. He said that he didn’t think I was naive… he just thought I was… innocent. 

Naive: 1. showing a lack of experience, wisdom or judgement; 2. having or showing simplicity of nature or absence of artificiality, unsophisticated; ingenuous

Innocent: 1. not guilty of a crime or offense; 2. free from moral wrong; without sin; pure; 3. not involving evil intent or motive

He said innocent sounded better because naive made it sound like I was dumb… and he knew I wasn’t. He told me that he liked that I was innocent. I suppose after living the life that he had lived for so long, hanging out with someone who genuinely only had good intentions was refreshing.

I couldn’t continue, though. He had other intentions. He was lying to me. I know how trusting I can be. Anybody who gets to know me will see that I always choose to believe the best in people. It’s my downfall, really. Because people may choose to take advantage of it. Take advantage of me. Once I realize that someone has been lying to me and trying to manipulate my kindness, I cannot trust them anymore. And how can I be friends with someone I cannot trust? Every person I consider my real friend is someone I feel that I can confide in. My chosen kind of friendship just doesn’t work with liars. It just… doesn’t. Unfortunately, I’m also very forgiving. There are lots of people in my life that I probably shouldn’t be talking to because of what they have done to me in the past, but I choose to look past it and forgive them. 

After what happened to this friend of mine… it makes him seem so lonely. I want to be his friend, but I just don’t know if I can trust him anymore. I don’t know how to be real friends with someone I cannot trust. It just feels like he could really use a friend right now. I wouldn’t mind being that friend… even after what happened between us. I don’t know, tumblr. I don’t want him to get the message that it’s okay to manipulate and lie to me…

What should I do?